Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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