she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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