I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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