is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
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It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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