That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
