If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
