Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
