in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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