Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
