Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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