i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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