He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
