I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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