i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I party with great urgency now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
