My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
