so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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