I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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