you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
