Sober January is a disaster.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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