I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
