four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
