its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So many bounce houses so little time
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
