how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
...so i touched it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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