The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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