the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
