I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
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We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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