mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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