I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
