32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he puts the penis in happiness.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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