You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
