so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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