But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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