there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
