does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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