i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
only you would photoshop your dick
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
