I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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