I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
