Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
