Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
