Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
