You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
