the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
