fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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