i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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