I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
