just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
