im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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