please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
