I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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