Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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