That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
