I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
