i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
