I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
