Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
