They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
