so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
