So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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