i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
