bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Im part way to drunk.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
