the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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