im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
