ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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