i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I lost the right to judge tonight
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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