The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
