you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
