i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
