If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Someone shattered a urinal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
