BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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