Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
