its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
