Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
