wake up i wanna do it froggy style
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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