Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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