Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
