People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
