My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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