I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
