You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
