There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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